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WASHINGTONReversing course after fierce backlash over the decisions potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branchs official mascot. As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out Heily the Sailin Swastika as our fun [] The post Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot appeared first on The Onion .

The post Ken Burns The American Revolution Ends With Number To Call If You Considering Founding Nation appeared first on The Onion .

BELCHERTOWN, MACautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded optimism, local horse Oatmeal reportedly took several moments Monday to assess whether a potential mate was also a horse. I have pretty high standards, so I just want to make sure shes the one for me [] The post Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse appeared first on The Onion .

CLEVELANDSaying he was ready to carry on the legacy forged by Cody Kessler, Dorian Thompson-Robinson, and dozens of other short-lived Browns signal callers over the past two decades, rookie quarterback Shedeur Sanders told reporters Friday he was more than confident he could deliver everything Cleveland fans had come to expect. Being this teams 42nd starting [] The post Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect appeared first on The Onion .

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greenes (R-GA) feud with President Trump is shaking MAGA world. Here is everything you need to know about Greene. Birthplace: Kenya Religion: Islamophobia Experience: Six years of commenting Pedophiles! under Facebook posts Political Ideology: Christian swinger nationalism Favorite Condiment: Beef jerky Nickname For Son, Boyfriend, And Dog: Buster Campaign Slogan: I will [] The post Political Profile: Marjorie Taylor Greene appeared first on The Onion .

A new Gallup poll found that fewer than half of Americans now say religion is important in their daily lives, a 17 point drop since 2015, reflecting a major cultural shift in the U.S. What do you think? The post Religiosity In U.S. Drops To Lowest On Record appeared first on The Onion .

Alligator Alcatraz, a massive migrant detention center in Floridas Everglades, has been plagued by reports of inhumane conditions and environmental concerns since its opening on July 3. The Onion breaks down the statistics of the facility at the center of Republicans crackdown on illegal immigration.40,000: Truth Social profile pictures taken by sign 0 Applicants deemed [] The post Alligator Alcatraz By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion .

SOUTH BEND, INExpressing horror at the sight of the health secretarys bare torso emerging from the vat of grease, a local Steak n Shake employee reportedly screamed Friday after a nude Robert F. Kennedy Jr. climbed out of the restaurants beef tallow fryer. My skin is perfectly crispy, and Ive never felt healthier, said Kennedy, [] The post Steak N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer appeared first on The Onion .

WASHINGTONIn the wake of a controversial incident aboard Air Force One in which President Donald Trump insulted a female journalist, Vice President JD Vance is said to have wept in his office bathroom, furious that the commander-in-chief had used his special piggy nickname on someone else. But Im supposed to be his piggyIm supposed to [] The post JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses Piggy Nickname On Someone Else appeared first on The Onion .

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SAN FRANCISCOShedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that ChatGPT was primarily used to ask if hot dogs were too old to eat. Our large-scale analysis found that 98% of our users are leveraging the computing power of AI [] The post OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat appeared first on The Onion .

Pluribus, a new sci-fi drama starring Rhea Seehorn, is Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligans first show since Better Call Saul concluded. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Whats the premise? A: An extraterrestrial virus causes everyone except those who were robbed at the Emmys to join a hive mind. [] The post What To Know About Pluribus appeared first on The Onion .

GLOUCESTERSHIRE, ENGLANDAudibly sighing as he listlessly undid a corset string by the light of a candle, a sulking, exhausted stable boy was reportedly going through the motions Thursday of tearing open Lady Marietta Ashcrofts bodice. At first I thought he was distracted by the nickering horses, or the passionate surging of the thunderstorm, but now [] The post Exhausted Stable Boy Clearly Just Going Through Motions Of Tearing Open Bodice appeared first on The Onion .

The post Dennis Hastert Just Going To Assume He Welcome Back In GOP appeared first on The Onion .

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LOS ANGELESAlarmed after overhearing the young girl on the other side of the park fence, rapper Nicki Minaj reportedly stated You think youre better than me? Wednesday while confronting a child for reciting nursery rhymes. How many albums have you sold, huh? asked the 42-year-old artist, who posted a short video of the child to [] The post You Think Youre Better Than Me? Says Nicki Minaj Interrupting Child Reciting Nursery Rhyme appeared first on The Onion .

SAN FRANCISCOSaying all his attempts to remove the 84-year-olds stench from the vehicle had failed, local man Rob Davis expressed frustration Wednesday over his inability to get the old lady smell out of the hood of his car. I hit her, like, two whole days agowhat gives? said Davis, adding that he had scrubbed away [] The post Man Unsure How To Get Old Lady Smell Out Of Hood Of Car appeared first on The Onion .